Sunday, August 3, 2008

So...whose are you?

I have not written anything for public viewing in such a long time. I am doing an exegetical/theological study of Romans 9 but have not finished writing and researching for the work yet. I have been very skeptical of making a blog apart from my myspace, as to my ability to maintain it and not forget that I have it!

Life is crazy. I was in a relationship with a girl (we were planning on marriage after graduation) that ended a little over a year ago, which has been a very rough road to go through and to this day hits me hard when I think of her most of the time. Many/Most of the plans I have made in regards to the future have not worked out how I thought I wanted them to be in many, many aspects. And...I graduate from college in December and still don't know "what I want to do with the rest of my life". On many levels, what all has happened in the past 2 or 3 years may sound tragic, typical, or me just being a whiney, college aged person (which is probably

I was talking to someone today and the typical question of getting to know someone came up: who are you? Well...they didn't ask it like that. They asked: "What do you do?", which hit me kind of oddly, considering that it is a very normal question. I immediately thought, "I was moving chairs and now I am sitting. Why are you asking me that?" And suddenly it dawned on me that they were wanting to know what I did, as in "how do you primarily identify yourself in relationship to your primary role or occupation?" And quite "naturally", I responded by telling them about my summer job and that I am a student. We engaged in some more small talk but I couldn't seem to leave that moment out of my mind. I remember wanting to tell the person that, yes, I do science research and go to school but that doesn't really have anything to do with who i am. It is a part of my life, but I don't identify myself as those things or roles.

I remember talking to Bill a while back and telling him about how I didn't know "what I want to do with the rest of my life" and he laughed. I don't remember exactly what we talked about but I do remember coming away with the realization that roles will always be changing and while what we do does reflect a part of us, it is not who we are.

Maybe an even better question than asking who someone is or what they do, we should ask Whose they are. Ask them who occupies their heart and where and what they live their life out of, rather than asking them how the outward expression of that may look.

It would be strange, but I am thinking of telling the next person that asks what I do or want to do with the rest of my life is that "I do a lot of things. Primarily, I want to serve other people and do it with excellence, but other than that, I don't know. Right now I am reflecting God's glory at WFU and will soon do it at FTCC. Right now I am just just growing into God's grace and am going through this amazing journey all due to God's own grace and purpose. It has had it's ups and downs, but I am glad to be a part of it. I really don't know what is next, but I am excited to see what is next".

And then...the person gets freaked out and runs away (just kidding).

We need to start thinking about whose we are before we decide where or what we will be doing. Let it all flow out of the overflow.

This blog is consecrated for the purpose of reflecting the journey God has put me on and the insights He is giving to me through the Holy Spirit. I will end this post with a prayer and a quote that has meant a lot to me.

Father, I pray that you use this blog to both minister to me and to other people through this experience. May it touch and heal all who read and write on this blog in the deep places in their heart. I lift this space to you for you to glorify yourself as things from your Word and the experiences from my life are posted. May you grant wisdom to this writer and may all people who see this blog see You in all of your fullness. Amen.

"Now -- here is my secret:I tell it to you with an openness of heart I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me to be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond able to love." - Douglas Coupland

Be the River!

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