Monday, September 14, 2009

Psalm 130

Psalm 130 (ESV)

"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!

2 O Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive

to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness,

that you may be feared.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6 my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

7 O Israel, hope in the Lord!

For with the Lord there is steadfast love,

and with him is plentiful redemption.

8 And he will redeem Israel

from all his iniquities."

I have not posted in a good while so I thought I should post something lest I be accused of being among the blog-slackers out there. lol.

There has been much that has happened since the last post. It is a lot to think about and even harder to articulate. Life is good; life is hard, but it is good. I don't think I could explain all of what all has happened in the past couple of months. I am still sorting out the whole "I'm not a kid but not really a responsible adult so what am I?" thing, with my birthday yesterday making it all the more odd.

I had a good birthday yesterday and spent a lot of time with friends. It was really good. I love my church family. A lot. I felt, and still feel, very profoundly moved by two events that happened yesterday.

One of them was when I got Jonah a donut after church. We were outside and he was wanting a chocolate donut. I had not brought them out yet so we walked into the building to grab the boxes to bring them outside. I handed him a donut and he proceeded to run back outside. About 15 seconds later he ran back inside to hug my leg and tell me Happy Birthday.

The second one was when Kathie decided to sing me every verse of a birthday hymn that people sing in the Moravian Church. I think the hymn was written by a Moravian but I am not certain. I cannot explain what exactly about the whole thing shook my soul. Perhaps it is that the hymn is a prayer of blessing over the person it is sung for; it is also that she was very thoughtful for doing it. It was gutsy.

Saturday at Life Group we looked over the "ask, seek, knock" from Matthew 7. While I was studying over the passage during the week I had to make an honest confession to God that I had no idea what to ask for and for him to show what I need to ask for.

Well, the Lord definitely answered my prayer. And it has been overwhelming.

This past year has been one of finding out that all that I need is in Christ and is provided by him, and by him alone.

My Watchword for the year is Ephesians 1:3, which is very interesting because I have been learning that Christ has blessed me with every spiritual blessing and that when I cling to Christ I am in need of nothing.

I am still very far from understanding my need to cling to Christ alone to satisfy me and guide me. I think I am more aware of how much I don't trust in Christ and how much idolatry is left in my heart. It has indeed been a heart-breaking experience.

It is not a totally negative experience though. I am also seeing how great God's mercy and grace is in the midst of knowing that I am made of dust and to dust I shall return.

Last night and today have been a time where I have been mourning my sins and asking God to cleanse my heart and to help me to grasp the Gospel at a real gut-level in all areas of life.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning."

Oh Christ how we need You!

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